Thursday, April 27, 2006

A TENTATIVE GUIDE TO BLOGGING ETIQUETTE

This is my Blog”, they snarl, “and I’ll do what I bloody well please.” True – our Blogs are our own but shouldn’t there be some general code that governs our expectations, (as Bloggers), of accepted social behavior in the Blogosphere. Of course this does not preclude the probability that there is in fact an (un)written code that already exists with regard to Blogging etiquette that I am unaware of as I am unabashedly a philistine of sorts when it comes to protocol & decorum. But in the spirit of pretending that I am not the crass twit that some think that I really am, I’d like to present a list of axioms that might well be implemented as rules of etiquette so as to make this a kinder, gentler Blogdom. (Please note that their sequence are not due to their order of importance.):


1) Do not steal another Blogger’s material - unless:

i) It’s damn good & then it’s every Blogger for themselves.

ii) No one would believe that they wrote it anyway.

iii) I’m the one doing the purloining.


2) Do not use profanity or erotica on your Blog - unless:

i) Your “hits counter” has been reading rather low lately.

ii) See number 4(i).


3) Do not ignore readers that post comments on your Blog - unless:

i) They are ignorant when it comes to poetics.

ii) Their posts are lame & uninformed.

iii) You just don’t like them

iv) You suspect that they are Republican.

v) You just don’t feel like acknowledging their existence.


4) Do not post comments on somebody else’s Blog - unless:

i) You’re sleeping with them & you’ve got some compromising photos then see (2)

ii) You’re totally smashed or buzzed.

iii) You adore the ground they walk on (or you’re just into dirt).

iv) You actually have something relevant to say – as if!


5) Do not gang up on another Blogger - unless:

i) You can convince yourself they had it coming anyway.

ii) They are completely clueless.

iii) They are without influential friends – if you know what I mean - wink… wink!

iv) You didn’t like their poetic disposition anyway.


6) Do not publicly humiliate another Blogger - unless:

i) You guessed it they deserved it - those cads.

ii) You enjoy flexing your superior intellect

iii) You didn’t “really mean to”!


7) Do not ignore another Poetry Blogger’s Blog - unless:

i) You really have a bad case of diarrhea & in which case you should be using your laptop and learn how to write with one hand while simultaneously flushing with the other.

ii) They are pseudo-intellectuals.

iii) You caught them secretly reading Maya Angelou.


8) Do not laugh at another Blogger’s faux pas - unless:

i) It’s really damn funny.

ii) You tell me first.

iii) You’re willing to get up in front of the class and tell everybody what’s so damn funny.


9) Don’t post denigrating anecdotes about yourself on your Blog - unless:

i) You guessed it you’ve got pictures.

ii) You’re completely out of material to Blog.

iii) You’ve missed your session & are in need of cathartic release.


10) Don’t be self-serving - unless:

i) Nobody else will do it for you.

ii) Your existence begins & ends with navel lint.

iii) You’re drunk.

iv) You’ve got nothing better to do on a Saturday night.

v) Hint: If you’re so self-serving that’s why you probably have nothing to do on a Saturday night.


11) Don’t Blog about etiquette - unless:

i) You know nothing about it.

ii) You’ll never adhere to it yourself.

iii) You’re so drunk that you think it’s Saturday night!

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Of course this is by no means an exhaustive list & I invite anyone to concoct a list of their own or just add to this one which would of course be breaking rule number 1.

10 comments:

Billy Jones said...

12. Never blog anything you don't want your boss, your mother, or the cops to know unless:

I. You're drunk.

II. You're stoned.

III. You're drunk and stoned.

IV. Your Momma wears combat boots.

V. All Of The Above.

Patry Francis said...

I think your list is pretty definitive!

Nick said...

Billy, I almost forgot number 13:

Never attempt to upstage the host blogger unless:

i) You know that you are funnier & wittier than they are.

ii) You've got some compromising pictures of them.

iii)You suspect that they are Republican.

iv) They bear a striking resemblance to Dubya.

v) None of the above.

Patry,

Not quite definitive, but I'm working on it. LOL! Thank you for stopping by to read and comment.

steve mueske said...

Ha! This is pretty funny!

BTW, if you have any compromising photos, you know my email...

Nick said...

Hi Steve,

You need to be more specific as some pictures are on back-order, but I have plenty of comprimising pictures of me in stock. Can't figure out, for the life of me, why they're so hard to move! ;-)

David said...

You would think im an asshole after looking at my blog but its really just sarcastic mainly. Its so hilarious seeing people get mad over it. Check it out at davidpeckworld.blogspot.com -im up for advice, if its awesome advice that is.

Billy Jones said...

14. Always allow your commenters to have the last word unless:

I. Your commenter is stupid.

II. Your commenter is a Republican.

III. Your commenter is a jerk or an a-hole.

IV. Your commenter is Billy The Blogging Poet. After all, no one lets BTBP get the last word in. ;-)

Nick said...

David, I'm relatively new to Blogging so I'm not sure that you're asking the right Blogger. There are, however, people who are much more successful at this then I'll probably ever be. Look around you'll see what I mean. Good luck with your Blog.

Billy, done! Yours is the last word! (sorta) By the way thanks for having added me to Poets101 & for the plug for this post on etiquette.

michi said...

always include (something about) your word verification when leaving your comment unless
i) you don't believe it's the best thing since reading entrails
ii) you don't understand what it means
iii) you are too drunk / stoned / knackered to type it twice
iv) you simply cannot say one witty thing about it

ywthp, you know.

Nick said...

14) Never ignore a new poster on your Blog unless:

i) They mention entrails in their post.

ii) You understand what reading entrails - entails.

iii) You're so far gone that fricasseed entrails are starting to sound good.

iv) You don't know what the heck you're talking about!

Thanks, Michi, for stopping by & for playing along.