Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Poetry in Vitro: Vol. 2 , No. 12


Under Statement



This one's been out in the sun too long.

6 comments:

Brian Campbell said...

Powerful final stanza. I don't feel the connection between it and the preceding, however -- even if you say it's in your home town. Strikes me you need something more foreboding, haunted, "dead" in the previous description...

Nick said...

Thanks for the input. I see your point. This one warrants close inspection.

Sandra said...

I really love the symmetry of these lines:

"The contadini pick fruit
at their own Cleopatran risk."

and later...

"an abandoned source of chestnuts,
spring water and venom."

And "The Museum of Lost Girls" was from yesterday--there's another ("Trancontinental Shoelace") up now. = ) I swear, I've never so looked forward to a September!

Cheers, Sandra

Nick said...

Thanks for reading & commenting. ... Gee that's another that I missed since my return.

Collin said...

I agree with Brian, but I think you must find a way to make this more eliptical without messing too much with what you already have. It's quite powerful. That last stanza is amazing.

Nick said...

Working on it...Your comments much appreciated. Grazie.