Powerful final stanza. I don't feel the connection between it and the preceding, however -- even if you say it's in your home town. Strikes me you need something more foreboding, haunted, "dead" in the previous description...
Thanks for the input. I see your point. This one warrants close inspection.
I really love the symmetry of these lines:"The contadini pick fruitat their own Cleopatran risk."and later..."an abandoned source of chestnuts,spring water and venom."And "The Museum of Lost Girls" was from yesterday--there's another ("Trancontinental Shoelace") up now. = ) I swear, I've never so looked forward to a September!Cheers, Sandra
Thanks for reading & commenting. ... Gee that's another that I missed since my return.
I agree with Brian, but I think you must find a way to make this more eliptical without messing too much with what you already have. It's quite powerful. That last stanza is amazing.
Working on it...Your comments much appreciated. Grazie.
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